Whats more difficult? Acceptance or Denial? (Chapter 1)

“One, large, Romonov on the Rocks, please.” Akshat ordered before he realized I was sitting next to him. He smirked at me. “Still stuck on Juice? Grow up!” “Hey! Don’t say that man… I do drink but occasionally and today, I’m not in a mood.” “When did u come? For what are you here? Why didn’t you call me?” “I just landed a few hours ago.” “Sahi hai… ‘Hands on Meet’ of the company is usually amazing here… there is a dance performance which everyone is waiting for.” “I see…” “What is Mr. Jai Raheja, President of Raheja Group of companies, doing here? This place is too small for him to be at.” “Akshat, Bas kar. Kitna sunayega, yaar? Tere se hi milne yahan aaya hoon.” “Mujhe laga aap shaadi attend karne aaye ho.” “Mera matlab hai is party mein. I just wanted to meet you bhai and that’s why I didn’t call you. I wanted to surprise you. Lakin yahan tu mujhe surprise diye pada hai!” “Achcha baba. Baki sab se mil liya?” “Haan. Maa aane waali hai thodi deir mein. Actually she was the one who was invited. How come you are here? I am here on behalf of her” “Same here, Dude! Waise bhi, mere bina, yahan ki ladkiyan bore ho jati!” He winked. We laughed and hugged each other. I loved my brother… my family, for that matter. I know they are not here to just attend a wedding rather they are here to fix mine, while attending it, with some girl who was interviewed by my mother last week for the post of Vice-President in our company. She turned out to be a ‘Beauty with Brain’, a species, which apparently does not exist.

The show began. After a handful of performances, I lost interest. Wondering in my own world, socializing and enjoying the music, I was unaware of the proceedings on the stage. “This is the performance I was talking about.” Akshat whispered in my ear. I turned. “… and the song is ‘Lucky Boy’.” I just missed the performer’s name. “Wow!” The girl was indeed amazing. Besides her dance, her personality spoke… bold, determined and demanding. Her eyes, her expression could tell so much about her. She seemed to be an open book kept unleashed to be read. She captured my mind, my thoughts in a way that I didn’t even realize when the performance ended. Kept looking for her but she never came to attend the party. Mom had come. We hanged around a while, then left. While driving back that night, she did knock my thoughts but then I didn’t permit her to stay long. ‘I am never going to meet her.’

“Maa, I don’t want to get married. I’m just 25. Please Maa. It’s a big responsibility which I’m not prepared for.” “Let me correct you. You are turning 26 in a few days. Your marriage is planned next year, so, actually u will be married at 27. I think that’s a pretty good age to get married at.” “Maa…” “Shhh… Meet her once. I’m going back and will come back on the marriage day. That’s the day when you are meeting the girl. Prepare yourself.” “Maa…” “I’m done with oiling your hair. Now, go to sleep.” She massaged a bit and left. I was sitting there alone, between sofa and the center table. The room was lit with candles and the candle on the center table smelled good. It was raining heavily outside. I went near the French window and sat there. No moon. Staring at the darkness… ‘How can I marry someone without knowing her? Leaving that aside… How can I marry at the first place? The girl will expect so much from me… so much… saath uthna, saath baithna, saath khana… I will eventually become the world for her… then ladai jhagda and what not! It’s so difficult to manage oneself, how am I supposed to look after one more living-being? That too… a girl!’ The very thought disturbed me. I picked the keys of the car kept on the side table and walked out of the room.

I got completely drenched by the time I got into my car. It was cold and hazy. I turned on the music, at the max bearable volume. I did not want to think about anything and that’s the best way one can keep one’s mind’s mouth shut. After randomly driving for like 20 minutes, I halted at this beautiful place I discovered that night. It was a piece of land where the road ended, with wild grasses, grown in patches… here and there. Clouds weren’t crying anymore. It was quiet and peaceful. I just loved the smell of wet grass. I sat on the bonnet and enjoyed the weather, the grass and the silence. I also liked the cold breeze that blew now and then. ‘Will she able to accept me as I’m? Will she ever be able to understand what I feel for my family and feel the same for them? Sharing same room, same bed, same wardrobe… finding a kajal or a bindi or a piece of jewelry on my dressing table will be so freaking weird! I can’t do this. I will say NO. It’s not that difficult.’ After making up my mind, I headed towards my place. I didn’t ever give it a second thought. All I had to do was to meet her and then say… “I’m Sorry!”

“Bhabhi main akele nahi ja raha! Please.” “Bhabhi, in no condition I’m accompanying him. He is so terrified with girls these days! And Bhaiya you have actually started running away from girls. Shaadi hi toh kara rahe hai aapki, kaun sa sooli par chadha rahe hai!” “Chote, sambhal ke bol, haan? Tera bhi time aayega.” “Uff… You two… Keep quiet! I’m the eldest over here and I command you both to go for Mehandi! End of the story. Now, march!” “Bhabhi…” (Chorus) “No ifs and no buts!” “Fine…” (Chorus)

I was standing up there in the balcony with my brother (apparently) with the guests watching the function that was being held downstairs. The hall was crowded. Girls were giggling, teasing the groom and the whole room was filled with their laughter. “Mehandi bahut achchi lagi hai. Dulhan ki dost bahut gudi hai!” The overheard conversation of two elderly ladies made me look for the girl who was putting Henna to the bride. Although, her face was covered with her hair yet she seemed beautiful! Her dress was very pretty and so was her hair. After a while, somebody called from behind and I got into a conversation with him.

“Dheeme dheeme gaun… holle holle gaun...” I immediately looked down. She (the beautiful haired girl) along with a troop of girls started dancing. I was shocked to see… she was the same girl who performed the ‘Lucky Boy’, the other night. I rubbed my eyes and gazed carefully because she was looking so different in an Indian get up. I went closer towards the railing of the balcony because it was difficult to ensure the identity of her from a distance. There met our eyes for the first time. She was a different personality I was facing today with the same facet… innocent, shy and reserved! She has to be a clone. Unsurprisingly, she realized I was staring her and got conscious. She never looked up again during the whole performance. After applaud, she looked back to check on me but I like a dumb was still staring her. I was mesmerized by her charm; her penetrating eyes and yes indeed, her one look was enough to state how penetrating her look was. I wouldn’t call her the most beautiful girl I have ever seen but she was the most attractive and mysterious female I have ever known.

“Maa bhaiya ko dekhna tha. Ab toh wo bilkul aapki waali ladki se shaadi nahi karne waale.” “Maa, ye bahut bolne laga hai. Pit jaayega mere se.” “Ek toh chori upar se seena zori!” “Maa, main sach keh raha hoon. She is the same girl who had performed wo ‘Lucky Boy’ waala song!” “Maa, bhaiya pagal ho gaye hai! Inki shaadi ke bare mein sochna was a bad idea. Hum pitte pitte bache hai. Inki wajah se. Ghoor ghoor ke dekh rahe the usko.” “Akshat, I’m serious!” “Bhaiya, so I am! Do u really think ki who ‘Lucky Boy’ waali ladki ko mahandi wehandi lagane aayega? Oh please…” “Maa, main bhi toh yahi keh raha hoon na ki I was just not able to believe it! Isliye toh use dekh raha tha!” “Maa, ab main inke saath kahin nahi jar aha. Arre… meri bhi koi status, koi izzat hai ya nahi! Bhabhi ko bol do. Main inke saath kahin bhi nahi jaa raha! BAS!” “STOP!!! Agar tum dono ko baat karni hai toh kud baat karo na! Why are you guys bringing me in between?” Maa went out and with that the discussion ended. My curiosity remained to be on fire! Her eyes… they had so much to say!

I was excited to be there for wedding. Nah… not because I was meeting ‘the girl’; but because I was hoping to meet the ‘mystery girl’ and proving myself right! “Maa, apne bulaya?” “Haan! Meet Ms. Tammana Raheja.” She turned and I skipped a beat… ‘Tammana Raheja? Wow! What an identity, mystery girl!’ “Hi! Jai Raheja.” She recognized me and I knew a ‘Namaste’ was coming. “I’m sorry for the other day. I was confused and curious. Wait, aren’t you the same girl who performed on ‘Lucky Boy’ at ‘Hands on Meet’?” “Yes, I’m!” softly she said with a nod. “See… I told you Maa.” “Excuse me!” Maa made a weird face with an “are-u-a-kid?” kind of look and left. I had no clue what was she angry at!

I was happy that I was right but at the same time I had a new problem. I was sure I felt something different for her which was definitely not love but hello? I wouldn’t just say “I’m sorry” as I decided because whatever it may be, I wanted to know her more. We started walking, quietly. “I’m really sorry for the other day. I was dumbstruck to see a completely different side of you. My brother was terribly mad at me for my stupid behavior. Would you like to give it a new beginning?” I broke the ice. She turned and smiled. “Honest!” ‘Oh thanks god! She speaks!’ “Isn’t it too early to start judging? I mean we just met!” “Not exactly… we met when u were about to fall from the balcony, the other day.” She giggled. ‘Hello? Do you even know what are you asking her? You started judging the very moment you saw her… Please be anything but dumb.’ An inner voice yelled within me. She was looking amazing giggling, shy standing there in a peach sari and that very moment I knew I liked her.

To be continued…