9 Point Someone…

Yes, I am a 9 pointer…

“Hey how much did you study?” The usual question I face like two weeks before a sessional “Nothing… I have not even started” is my reply… “You are a liar! Must have completed the course…” … some even add ‘bitch’ to it… some say it on the face some behind my back… Damn! That’s what I am rewarded with being a 9 pointer… A wonderful adjective which beautifies my name stupendously…

It’s not that difficult to become a so called “9 pointer” as playing its role is… I am fed up… Frustrated at the sight of eyes full of expectations, competitions… Fed up with the way I am gradually changing into a bookworm… I was a girl who always believed to read just to learn and gain some knowledge… I love reading but frankly speaking that aim is lost… Marks Marks Marks… seeing everyone running behind it, I have also started chasing the glory… the fame… absolutely forgetting the fact that I am phobic of either being alone or being with the crowd… Unique and successful people are the ones who lead the crowd or are at a height which other people crave for but I don’t want to become either because they are the people who stand alone… I am scared… I think I am changing… becoming mean and bitchy… and manipulative… becoming revengeful and the reason is I have tasted the fruit of being famous and I love it… anyone will…

“What have we come here for?” is it just placement, grade and jobs? If your answer is yes… we are very different… I came here to see and know the world… I came here to become smart and independent enough to lead my life tactfully… I came here to learn… Learn how to become a civilized, well behaved and socialized gal… to have a personality, even if not admired yet accepted gracefully by all… And when I have realized this, I will lead my path in the way I like… I loose the temptation of being a 9- pointer…

13th April'08

The desire to be cocooned...

I hear her cry aloud at 12 in the night… I got so hysterical hearing the pain in her voice… I sprang out of the bed and went to console her for whatever has happened… “Pratiksha?! Patiksha?! Get up…. What happened?” I knew something was wrong after she ended up a flared banter with her friend that evening… she did cry afterwards but was continuously trying to walk out instead of facing the predicament… she was ignoring the calamity as far as possible… I guess she talked to someone before she broke out… The phone lay peacefully in her hand when she switched it off…

She was crying excruciatingly as if every bit of her was mourning over a dead body… she herself being the one… eyes full of tears which glittered like diamonds partially because of the dim light at night and partially because of the rage of anger that prevailed which in turn made her eyes deep red… If ever she would have had a knife in her hand none of us would have been alive today… I tried hard but she seemed to be in some another world… Despite of my efforts I couldn’t make her hear me… it was like talking to a deaf who can see me mutter but can’t hear me… I still wonder whether or not she was able to see me…

“Pratiksha enough of it! Stop crying… I said STOP CRYING! THAD” I slapped her hard across her face and the room seemed to be galloped by the monster of silence… It was dark but still I could see her eyes stuck on my face as if I just made her aware of my presence… After a fraction of sec she got up and splash, the little she had left in her stomach, lay down there on the floor and she collapsed in the bed instantaneously… I touched this fragile body with a wavering hand to check if she went unconscious. It wasn’t late when I realized she was burning within, with a fever more than hundred… still sobbing… I wanted to help her, medicate her, feed her as she skipped her dinner but the most important thing she needed was time… a few moments with herself… a few moment of silence to recover… Analyzing I walked far from her bed with my eyes still glued to her…

With my pace she slowly curled herself like a person who while freezing in the cold curls to conserve the warmth of the body from letting it escape into the atmosphere or you can say like a baby in mother’s womb… I still couldn’t judge what she needed, warmth or a protective shell or may be both like a cocoon… All I could mutter was “God give her justice!”

A step towards the world

Ahem ahem… what is this?
Smoke or a mist?
My dear lord…
Why is everything so blurred?

Wait a min! This is the place I dreamt of
Am I hallucinating or what?
After coming back to sense
The first question was about my presence!

I lifted my head
And pinched myself…
To perceive
I am having the most awaited eve

Yes indeed it was beautiful…
Dream becoming reality!
Unknowingly I stepped into hell…
A torment cloaked so well!

That was a giant leap, a step towards the world
Which made me realize…
Most of the things that people crave for
Are things made just to adore…

Am I 20? Will I be 25 in just 5 years?
How will I grow in damn 5 yrs?
Will these 5 years turn me into a lady?
All on myself… Independent and free?

Am I capable to take this?
Am I capable to work and earn?
Am I to stand on my feet?
No no dear husband it’s your seat!

I am done with my experience
And yes I have taken my decision
This desk job is not meant for me
It’s not at all my cup of coffee!!!

Thud!!! Ouch?!
Oh! It looks like I am on floor…
Oh hell that was a nightmare!
God why do you do that? Is it fair?

To scare me off
Is one thing u wont succeed in
I will go ahead, I will proceed
I will definitely harvest the sown seed

Indeed he will be the head
But I will be his right hand
If he will be the king I won’t be any less
Neither will dominate nor will I suppress

I am the one who is neither dependent
Nor independent…
I am the one who is both crazy
And a total freak…

I am the one who believe
Stepping is the easiest thing
If one foot is in the reign of uncertainty
The other still lies in the hands of safety

That means stepping is never a fall!
It’s always balanced
So god don’t make me phobic to this absurd
I am ready to take “A step towards the world”

Thats How Life Proceeds...

Lying on the grass green...
Searching for the shine so keen...
Eyes wide open to look for ...
The brightest star in the sky, I adore...


I remember all the promises he made...
I can recapitulate every word he said...
Friend or more than a friend???
Is this question, commencement of the end???


The emotions were strong and new...
Same as the wind that just passed through...
Brooding to decide, what in my life is prior?
I closed my eyes to visualize what I desire...


It seemed something like a black hole...
Could feel the ambiguity of my disturbed soul...
Round and round, depth of infinity...
Am I about to loose the relationship so pretty???


Scared I opened my eyes...
ITS HIM!!! I said it thrice...
Its him... I am talking about...
The option of him forgetting me is ruled out...


Tough are these days that are going through..
I want teddies bunnies and a lil poo...
I am childish and I know I need to mature...
But is it necessary? Are you sure?


All I can say is I have always lost...
What I expect and want the most...
So this time I am leaving things as it is...
Because THATS HOW LIFE PROCEEDS!!!

Don't make me wish
if u can't fulfill it;
Don't make me realize
if you can't accept it;
Don't make me feel
if it isn't true;
Don't make me wait
if you are through;
I m immortal
you are thee...
I am entangled
make me free;
Bound are the thoughts
that you create...
That's how destiny is
written by fate!!!

Heaven To Hell... Hehehe

I opened my eyes
and I was in a garden
wonderfully nourished, decorated
just like HEAVEN

I turned around
to see someone standing... close
The gardener? No... May be my prince!!!
Hmm... but where is his horse?

Staring into his eyes
I saw my reflection
I felt something... something like a fall
Oh my god, whats your intention???

I ran away, to a den
in my white flowing gown
scared, I looked outside, to find him
coming on a horse with a crown

Mesmerized I closed my eyes and
I was in the DBMS class, oh hell!!!
"Do you come to sleep in a 9o'clock lecture?"
Yeah... It was indeed the teacher's yell...