Somethings are meant to remain unsaid.....

“Oh my my! You look smmaaarrt!”
“Shall I be happy to hear that or shall I be offended? Can’t I look smart?” Crossing my hands across my chest I enquired.
“Shut Up! And come in… you have not changed a bit!”
“Surprisingly, were you expecting it?”
“Not really… but… 5 years is a very long time.”

Nothing had really changed as I entered the living room of the 2BHK Flat which once was my habitat. 2 brown leather bean bags right there next to the window which faced the garden of the company having an amazing fountain, well-lighted; a round carpet beneath the round table displaying the aesthetic me, frosted in flowers and butterflies; 42 inch television on the front wall with “Yama” (Yamaha) Speakers which cost around 80 grands then, not that I paid but back then there was nothing such as yours and mine… it was ours! White walls… And there stuck my eyes. I gazed at the door at right. Now, there was a difference… that beautiful name plate engraved with ambigram of a name was removed. I took a deep breath and took a seat.

“Khwaish, So…”
“So???” I raised an eyebrow and chuckled.
“It’s been long, isn’t it? I still remember the day you left… Nevermind… Care for a cup of coffee or probably something coldish...?” Dravya smirked.
“Cold Coffee please… And Dravya, you too have not changed a bit! Grow Up Yaar!”
Laughing out loud… “You know tastes change… Was just being sure!”
“Yeah. Right!”

It just seems yesterday when I had walked out of here. Akshat was standing right there when I barged in explosively. He looked at me startled… “You are not in love with me, right? Or, are you?” The long pause, the silence thereafter was fair enough to be taken as a tacit answer.

“Here you go… It will not be as good as you make but then I’m not that bad either…”
“Dravya, tum bhi na!”

I took a sip. More than thinking about the taste, I was bothered about how to break the ice. Certainly, there was a long pause as both of us knew why we were there; at the same time, none of us knew how to start the conversation. One thing that I had learned in my life is it’s good to be the first one, mostly but… in some situations I’m supposed to take a back seat. So, I waited for him to initiate.

“Khwaish, I don’t know why I have done this but I really think Akshat needs you. He needs a friend he can speak to without thinking twice. You know what you mean to him… please don’t deny that. No matter what has happened between you two… you still make a difference to him.”
“Dravya please… I am nothing to him. Let us not get into that. 5 Damn years. He never bothered to ask how I was.”
“Frankly speaking, it’s your mistake. You know when the distances surfaced, right? He was having a tough time when you were unavailable.”
“Unavailable?! NO Dravya. I was available. I loved him, Dravya. He knew that my life was full of colors back then and he was the one who didn’t want me to miss anything in my life just because he was in pain. He ignored. He pushed me away from him."
“Khwaish! So what? He was doing it for you. If you would have cared more instead of taking him for granted that he would anyway return, this would not have happened. You know that, don’t you?”
“You know what? I thought it was just a phase of his life which would pass through very easily and then he would return. It wasn’t that I was taking him for granted! So… I let him go. I wanted him to have enough space to save our relationship. And you know what? I was not enjoying my life either. I was trying to pull strings of my life in control. No matter how colorful my life was back then… it was a MESS!”
“Phase of life? (A lousy Remark) He was just 20. Just 20. What did you expect from him? A mature 30? It was not just that phase of life which passed through; you, your importance and your necessity did too. He lost you.”
“I knew it and I knew the reason too. And that’s why I preferred to walk out.”
“He gave you fair enough chance. Didn’t he?”
“Chance? Are you kidding me? No. Never. He kept me out of it completely. Neither did he allow me to be a part of him nor did he permit me to share his pain. He did not let me do anything. And I know it was all because he had another company by his side. And you need only one person at a time to walk your life with.”
“You are so misinformed. You are in such an abyss. It was she who befriended him. It was she who, even after his ignorance, misbehavior and rudeness, managed to be his friend, be there for him, which unfortunately you could not, in that 11^th minute. Have you even seen her?” He threw her photographs on the table. “See.”

Dravya could not be explained as I knew what would have happened. To save me he would have looked for another shoulder and as we all know it’s easier to share it with a complete stranger. It is at least for me and Akshat. And that became the threat of my life. I regret he loved me so much that he didn’t want me to be a part of his pain! She was damn pretty. Sharp Features; long hair; apparent shining attitude; we were quite similar. She had everything that would make a guy fall for her!

“Her name was Tammana… synonym of yours; her birth date 13^th Feb… 13^th born… same as yours; Open long hair… same as yours; Features… same as yours. He was looking for you, for his friend in every face he saw, every girl he met! And he meets her. She was exactly the same. They would fight for 23 hours a day but the remaining 1 hour was magical enough to live the moments one craves for, exactly what it was between you and him. He fell in love with her or rather; he fell in love with you once again. And trust me; it was long after you left.”

Silence.

“She met a car accident 3 months ago and since then silence has engulfed him. Tu khud soch yaar… who banda jiski boli ke alawa kuch nahi sunai deta tha is ghar mein, aaj uski existence ka kuch aata pata hi nahi hai. Kab aata hai, kab jata hai, kya kab karta hai… pata hi nahi chalta. He cries. He hurts himself. Cigarette marks hai dono pair mein. Haanth mein blade ke lines. Poora din kuch nahi khata. He is miserable. Help him. Save him.”

I collected all the photographs and handed him. I was speechless. I was angry, I was heart-broken but I had never wished this for him. I looked into Dravya’s eyes. He was on the verge of letting some tears roll down. I believed life took things from you just to fill in the emptiness with much and more wonderful things but what if life takes away an irreplaceable thing? How is that justified?

“You can wait for him in his room.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll take a quick shower and be right back. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Are you crazy? Why are you being sooooo formal?” I knew he needed his space to calm down. After all, early riser doesn’t take bath at 3 in the afternoon!”

I finally gathered enough strength and pushed the knob of the door on the right of the living room. Yes, it is Akshat’s room. The door swung open and I was in a room-sized Garbage Bin. He was one of the most organized “boy” I knew but the room stated ironically. It took me 2 complete hours to arrange his drawers, wardrobe; dust the room; separate washed and dirty clothes; to fold them neatly and place them appropriately; to make his bed; to sweep and mop the floor. After the expedition, I took a deep breath and sat on the bed.

Dravya did ask if I require any assistance but I wanted to do it on my own. He enquired thrice just to make sure I was not being formal. It was the fourth time that he entered… he had a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Hey… Where did you get that from?” He interrogated looking at the black thread encircling a ring which was quite girlish and old held in my right hand.
“In the drawer. Why?” I kind of had an idea whose it was so I avoided asking the same.
“That’s surprising. Akshat doesn’t part it from himself. He wears that like a chain around his neck all the time. He has never told me but I think it’s Tamanna’s.”
I was right. He felt the same. “I see.”
“Khwaish, I came to ask if you wanted to have some coffee.”
“No, Thanks dear.” I managed a smile.
“Okay Madam! I’m in my room… Working… Once you are done… come there. We can chit chat a little more before you leave.” He winked and walked out of the door.

I was stone cold. I opened my left fist which was closed all this while… I was looking at my earring which, I don’t know how, had fallen the day I left. A purple flower earring. I certainly made a difference but the question that took nights in restlessness, days in brooding, dusks and dawns in weeping was ‘How much?’ And, I was answered.