Brooding, I look outside the window. A city that never sleeps - lighted streets and moving cars, felt familiar, only, in the grace of silence. I wanted to be exactly here, except, in a different circumstance. That's the beauty of life, when one wishes something, one only considers what is in their capacity to conquer it and one tends to assume that the rest would just play along however, that's not always true. So, here I am, Tamanna, absolutely clueless and muddled.
It amuses me to wonder how on earth could I not perceive the solid probability of happenings of unexpected despite of considering self a Maths genius. Easy answer is, end of life happens just once every lifetime and therefore, is considered an unlikely event on a day to day basis. Correct answer is, Life is usually taken for granted. A mistake which has messed up my calculations to an extent that I am lost, I want to re-calculate yet I have no clue how to get back to the point where it started to go all wrong. And then comes yet another logic of life, you can't turn the clock .. you just can't. So, the point to introspect is, is recalculation possible? No and yes. A fresh start. It's indeed difficult to move on, to convince oneself for a fresh beginning. The guilt of letting go of a beautiful past is killing yet is much needed to orient your being in the future. What pushes you in a vicious black hole is the constant reminder that this struggle is not just a one time thing. Still looking for a light of logical reasoning to fight back.
Do I really believe I have nothing to cherish? No, I am blessed with a good soul, an intellect mind, a pure heart, talented hands and a strong stand. Do you know what I lost? The confidence. The fear of the consequences baring my potential. Constant failures demotivating my objective. Unusual losses culturing my inferiority. I can't change what has already happened neither can I control what is about to happen thus, crippled in my present, repenting the bygones and apprehending forthcoming. Easy way out is to put a full-stop. Correct way is to pave a path. What pushes you towards oblivion questioning the efforts to gather the mental strength to make your way is the loud voices constantly reminding you of what you lack, directly or indirectly. Still looking for a sound of inspiration to head ahead.
I see the darkness fading away, I see a new day! Just like marriage, a sense of commence. All these years, aimed to be "Happily Married Ever After", I worked to be a perfect in-law thus a perfect wife. Well, considering arranged marriage, that's the truth, being a good in-law is the only way to be a good wife. With being bantered by friends, being praised by relatives and acquaintances, easier way was to believe I could and would definitely nail it. Correct way would have been to weigh the proverb as old wise words always comes from experience. Human nature is unpredictable and so becomes the nature of relations with unknows. What pushes you towards reality is their continual doubts on your authenticity of your selfless acts with complete strangers making it a hard and bitter truth that the presence of the word "in-law" is there to serve a purpose. Still looking for a touch of warmth to feel close-knit.
And the hunger pangs yet again. Of lately, food has become the ulterior motive of my Life. Yes, yet again. Yes, I am fat yet again however, I have no plans to distance myself from the major source of my happiness at this point. To the very least, I have a taste of nourishment to satiate my appetite.
It amuses me to wonder how on earth could I not perceive the solid probability of happenings of unexpected despite of considering self a Maths genius. Easy answer is, end of life happens just once every lifetime and therefore, is considered an unlikely event on a day to day basis. Correct answer is, Life is usually taken for granted. A mistake which has messed up my calculations to an extent that I am lost, I want to re-calculate yet I have no clue how to get back to the point where it started to go all wrong. And then comes yet another logic of life, you can't turn the clock .. you just can't. So, the point to introspect is, is recalculation possible? No and yes. A fresh start. It's indeed difficult to move on, to convince oneself for a fresh beginning. The guilt of letting go of a beautiful past is killing yet is much needed to orient your being in the future. What pushes you in a vicious black hole is the constant reminder that this struggle is not just a one time thing. Still looking for a light of logical reasoning to fight back.
Do I really believe I have nothing to cherish? No, I am blessed with a good soul, an intellect mind, a pure heart, talented hands and a strong stand. Do you know what I lost? The confidence. The fear of the consequences baring my potential. Constant failures demotivating my objective. Unusual losses culturing my inferiority. I can't change what has already happened neither can I control what is about to happen thus, crippled in my present, repenting the bygones and apprehending forthcoming. Easy way out is to put a full-stop. Correct way is to pave a path. What pushes you towards oblivion questioning the efforts to gather the mental strength to make your way is the loud voices constantly reminding you of what you lack, directly or indirectly. Still looking for a sound of inspiration to head ahead.
I see the darkness fading away, I see a new day! Just like marriage, a sense of commence. All these years, aimed to be "Happily Married Ever After", I worked to be a perfect in-law thus a perfect wife. Well, considering arranged marriage, that's the truth, being a good in-law is the only way to be a good wife. With being bantered by friends, being praised by relatives and acquaintances, easier way was to believe I could and would definitely nail it. Correct way would have been to weigh the proverb as old wise words always comes from experience. Human nature is unpredictable and so becomes the nature of relations with unknows. What pushes you towards reality is their continual doubts on your authenticity of your selfless acts with complete strangers making it a hard and bitter truth that the presence of the word "in-law" is there to serve a purpose. Still looking for a touch of warmth to feel close-knit.
And the hunger pangs yet again. Of lately, food has become the ulterior motive of my Life. Yes, yet again. Yes, I am fat yet again however, I have no plans to distance myself from the major source of my happiness at this point. To the very least, I have a taste of nourishment to satiate my appetite.
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